16 Oct PSAT YEAH!!! Shirt on sale for two more days!

Written by Jeff Published in Miscellaneous Read 6664 times
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YEEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

 Greeting and Salutations Ragers and Ragettes, it is I, Jeff from Rage Select here to tell you about an exciting new product from Rage Industries INC LLC GMBH!

 

How often has this happened to you? You're sitting in class, trying to concentrate on whatever dumbass standardized test the establishment is making you take this week, but something is wrong. Your mind should be providing you with the answers to what year Eli Whitney invented the light bulb or how many cherry trees Abraham Lincoln freed or whatever but all you can think about is vehicular appropriation of a most criminal variety. As the minutes tick by and your answer sheet remains blank you curse the grey matter in your skull for providing you with the exact number of bullets a MAC-10 can hold but withholding the vital statistics on how many cubits there are in a centiliter.

 

Well lament no more gentle reader! For your day of salvation is finally here. Presenting, the PSAT Yeah! shirt:

 

 

Yes, simply by placing this wonder of modern garmentry on your person, your life will be inexorably altered forever! No more will you have to choose between knowing facts about Grand Theft Auto V or getting a passing grade on your NMSQT, now you can do both at the same time! Simply look down at your chest whenever you find your mind drifting and remember the words that launched a thousand ships and caused Rome to burn...

 

PSAT YEAAAHHH!!!

 

 

Much like the Wonder Twins or Captain Marvel this simple, yet elegant phrase will jolt your mind into a higher state of consciousness and suddenly, the answers to your PSAT questions and Grand Theft Auto V shall be ONE AND THE SAME! For instance, take this sample PSAT question:

 

1. Formerly ___ as a "dumb blond," Marilyn Monroe is now ___ as having been an intelligent, sensitive woman.

(A) sensationalized ... romanticized
(B) sabotaged ... described
(C) denigrated ... lauded
(D) recognized ... remarked upon
(E) romanticized ... redeemed

 

Simply recite the words emblazoned on your torso and take a second look...

 

1. Formerly ___ as a "psychotic murder fucker," Trevor Philips is now ___ as being a drug dealing, larcenous, scumbag of legendary proportions who owns his own business.

(A) sensationalized ... romanticized
(B) sabotaged ... described
(C) denigrated ... lauded
(D) recognized ... remarked upon
(E) romanticized ... redeemed

 

 

Voila! The answer is still the same, but the question now contains 10,000% more clarity! Yes, suddenly the world makes more sense than a Fox News report on violence in video games! Soon you'll be class valedictorian and a total sex god while everyone around you will be envious, crestfallen, and addicted to all of the worst drugs in the world. But don't thank me, thank the shirt.*

 

 

So get your PSAT Yeah! shirt now before those other dirty dealing, double crossing scumbags in your class do! You don't want to be addicted to Krokodil when you could be raising your fist to the heavens and proudly proclaiming...

 

 

 

*PSAT Yeah shirt does not have any special powers and doesn't do anything like what this guy says it does. Seriously, it's just a shirt. I mean, it's probably the best shirt that's ever been created in the history of things to keep your torso from getting cold and shit, but it won't make you get good grades, alter the fabric of the space time continuum, or make the next leap the leap home or anything like that. 
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